Relations is like an egg that must be treated and handled with great care. Supposed you just handle it anyhow,definitely it will break.
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FAITHFULNESS
By faithful, I mean don’t cheat.
I have no love for cheaters.
I’m talking about engaging in some sort of sexual
act with someone other than your significant other.
The whole idea is so deceitful and disrespectful, it
amazes me that anyone can be OK with being
unfaithful to their significant other.
I also don’t see the reason to ever put yourself in
such a position.
If you want to be in a relationship with someone,
you should only be doing these things with your
significant other. You should want to be faithful to
them.
If you feel like you want to “hook up” with
someone else, why would you put yourself in a
relationship when it is clear you should just remain
single?
A relationship is a having commitment to someone
who also is committed to you.
I’m not here to tell you a sob story about how I was
cheated on, I’m just giving you my take on people
who cheat.
In the culture we live in now, people almost
seem OK with being unfaithful to their significant
other.
We see examples of this in Hip hop, where artists
sing and rap about women in vulgar ways and talk
about being unfaithful to their girlfriend, or
whoever it may be.
Other examples can be found in reality television.
Shows such as “The Real World” and “The
Bachelor” have people openly, on film, hooking up
with others while already in a relationship.
I don’t know anyone who consistently cheats on
their significant other, or has a history of doing so
but, just like everyone else, I hear stories.
Again, why would you even get into a relationship
if you think you’re going to be unfaithful?
I have heard excuses such as getting too drunk, but
I just don’t think this is a viable justification for
their actions.
If you're not with your significant other, why
would you feel the need to drink that much with
someone you are attracted to?
Although alcohol does impair judgment, it’s
important to use your sober judgment before
getting yourself into another situation that you
shouldn’t be in.
You can’t hide behind an excuse when you act
unfaithfully to your partner because that hurts.
Nobody wants to have that feeling.
I can’t even imagine doing that to someone else.
I have been with my girlfriend for 10 months and
not once have I felt the urge to be with someone
other than her.
I couldn’t go through with something like that if I
wanted to.
I would feel incredibly guilty and wrong in doing
something like that to someone I care so much
about.
Before you put yourself in the position to be
unfaithful to someone that you love and care
about, take some time to think about the impact.
Is lust worth losing love?
Is the moment more important than the big
picture?
Humans have urges and desires, there is no
denying that.
However, if people just did whatever they wanted,
whenever they wanted, what kind of a world would
we live in?
Being faithful comes down to being respectful to
your significant other.
I try to live my life in a positive way, no matter the
situation or circumstance.
The saying goes, “treat others the way you want to
be treated,” and it could not apply more with this
topic.
Be kind, be honest, be the best significant other
you can be to your partner and hopefully they will
do the same.
Many relationship are ruined by partners who lack the art of being faithful. Finding a person who you trust in this world is hard but when you find him/her you should not let her go.
Agree upon trusting one another. Once you have
taken your vows, don't do anything to break that
trust. You have both taken vows to be faithful in every
way to one another. Now it's time to believe in one
another and trust your partner. Suspicion and doubt
don't cause a spouse to cheat, but if one spouse
exhibits high degrees of any of these to the other, it
spells trouble for the relationship. Set reasonable
boundaries and stay within them - this fosters trust , and
the longer you each stay within the boundaries you have
agreed on, the more trust you will build as time goes on.
Your behavior early on will set the tone for the rest
of your relationship. If you set a tone of faith, trust,
and belief in one another and give each other a real
sense that your relationship is solid and
unshakable, it will be a great comfort to you and
help you through difficult times. If you prove
yourself worthy of his/her trust today, in ten years
if someone accuses you of something, he/she will
dismiss it, knowing that you would never betray
him/her because of your history together.
On the other hand, if you do something that you
should not have done, you can't expect your
spouse to trust you totally. You have put doubt in
his/her mind, and that has made him/her insecure .
The only way to correct that is to do everything in
your power (through real actions) to show him/her
that they can trust you.
Accept the fact that you are no longer single. No,
you may not come and go as you please, no matter
how much that may rankle. You have a responsibility to
your spouse or partner now, and the sooner you accept
it, the fewer fights and arguments you'll have. Acting as
if you are free and accountable to no one will pretty
much ensure that you will be single again - soon.
Instead, keep in mind your love for your spouse and the
love your spouse has for you, your commitment and your
vows. Examples:
If you agree upon something do exactly that. Don't
change it unless absolutely necessary, preferably
due to circumstances you cannot control. If this
happens, call and notify your spouse of the change
immediately - don't wait till he or she is worried or
angry.
Though "checking in" or reporting changes in plans
may rub you the wrong way, learn that you must
sacrifice some things if you are to be successful as
a team – remember that this helps your spouse to
keep the trust she or he has in you. Being
accountable to your spouse helps keep you close,
and that helps build fidelity and faith.
Understand that your spouse is not attempting to
put you on a leash. It's simply a matter of
honoring your commitment, and of letting your spouse
know when to start worrying. If you didn't want to be
cared about or be responsible to someone else, you
shouldn't have married.
Wear your wedding ring at all times. Avoid taking
the ring off in most situations, even if your friends
tell you to. Some exceptions are when playing sport,
washing the dishes or if it could be damaged or cause
you injury on the job. Do remember to put it back on
straight away!
Leaving your ring on sends a clear signal to
everyone else outside of your union. It reminds you
that you are "taken" and most people will know
better than to trespass.
If someone fails to heed the sign of your ring,
show it to them close up and be sure they know it
means you really are married and that you're not
interested in flirting at all. If presenting your ring
and clearly stating you're married and happily so
doesn't work, and that person continues to pursue
you, stop contact with that person at once, if
possible. (If it's your brother's wife, you may have
a tough time doing that, but limit contact to
groups and never be alone with her. If she
manages to isolate you from the rest of the family,
extricate yourself quickly - kindly if possible, but
rudely if necessary. In any case, be utterly clear.)
Nourish your intimacy with your spouse. If either of
you is experiencing problems with intimacy, talk it
through – and the earlier, the better. Being intimate
through loving gestures, hugs, kisses and sexual
relations is a vital part of keeping the two of you
bonded. [3] Even daily sweet nothings whispered to one
another and praise for the things you love about one
another on a regular basis are guaranteed ways to keep
the fires burning and the original memories of why you
fell for each other truly alive.
Don't stir up trouble where there isn't any. Doing
hurtful things to see how your spouse will react is
a bad idea. The problem is that testing your spouse's
reaction to flirting or paying other people too much
attention creates a climate of doubts about your
honesty, and introduces anxiety and turbulence. Don't
pick fights just to see what she/he'll say or do.
Avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing. If you
meet with someone who tries to come on to you
and maybe even who is attractive to you, don't panic.
Simply show no interest and say it clearly to that
person. Explain that you're very happy in your marriage
and have no intention of straying. Say exactly those
words. Then excuse yourself and go someplace where
there are other people around. Don't allow yourself to be
cornered by that person again.
Don't get yourself into any situation where even a
whiff of lust is near. It's natural to find yourself
attracted to others, even people other than your
spouse. But don't allow yourself to be alone with
anyone like this, and don't go out of your way to
see him or her. Don't daydream or email, don't
entertain the notion of being with someone else -
unless it's someone like Katy Perry or Ryan
Reynolds. Someone unattainable is a silly crush
(still, you shouldn't obsess over a crush like this to
the detriment of your marriage). Someone at work,
or at a party (i.e., in the same room with you) is a
threat to your happy marriage.
Have an escape plan. For example, consider that if
a certain person who attracts you comes near you,
that you'll head for the bathroom and then perhaps
another group of people - or even head home. [4]
Tell any person who tries to lure you into an
entanglement with them that you're not interested,
period. Don't give a half-hearted "Gee, I'm really
attracted to you, but I'm married" response. This sends
a wrong message - it says, "If only my stupid spouse
weren't in the way, then you and I could hook up."
Anyone who knows you're married and persists in
coming on to you will not hesitate to run over your
spouse if she/he thinks you're at all interested. What
matters is that you are married, and your commitment is
to your partner or spouse. Put your foot down hard and
walk away, leaving no room for doubt or hope. Don't
worry about letting him or her down easy.
People who try to encourage a person to dally with
them knowing full well that the other person is
married are often very unhappy people, and they
don't care to see anyone else happy. Ask yourself
this question: "Why isn't there someone special in
their life?" Often it's because they are simply not
happy to be happy. Remember that if they don't
mind harming your marriage, they won't be
hanging around after the thrill of being with you
wears off.
Take your spouse with you. If you know you'll be in
a situation where you can't avoid a person who
keeps coming on to you, take your spouse along.
Knowing your partner is watching will keep you in line,
and hopefully will deter any questionable acts on the
part of the other person.
Leave the situation. It doesn't matter whether
it's a job or a circle of friends. If you've tried
your best to put the stops on the interest someone has
in you - and worse yet, if you have started to return
those feelings, you have to leave the situation
immediately. If it's work related, either request a
transfer or request that the other person be transferred,
because it's endangering your marriage. If it's a circle
of friends, stop hanging with the friends where you keep
meeting this person. Don't moan and complain -
remember, your goal is that 40th wedding anniversary,
and beyond. No job, no chick or dude, no amount of ego
boosting is worth destroying your chance at that.
Remember: a few moments of pleasure are not worth
discarding a lifetime of happiness with that special
someone.
Stay home. Studies have shown that men who
cheat start spending time away from home, such
as working late at the office, going out for drinks after
work, etc.[5] Curtail this habit – bring the work home
with you, schedule dial-in discussions with other
workmates after hours using video conferencing on your
broadband and take your spouse out to dinner instead
of your colleagues.
Make plans for your future together and revise
these plans regularly. Be sure to not only plan,
but to also do the exciting and amazing things you have
planned together. Shake things up now and then and do
things neither of you have done before. Go to places
together that thrill and excite you, do things together
that scare and awaken you and throw in unexpected
treats, outings and surprises for one another here, there
and everywhere.
When the children come, be sure to keep your
spouse as number one priority. You can love your
children absolutely without forsaking your love for
your spouse. There has been a tendency in our
current child-obsessed culture (partially, it's about
hanging onto one's own childhood) to put the
children's interests before the spousal love life.
That's unbalanced and will end up exhausting
everyone's limits, smothered children included. Be
a loving role model for your children so that they
grow up seeing parents whose love for one another
and mutual respect endures throughout all the
messy diapers , bossy tweens and curfew-breaking
teens!
Communicate! If you are feeling pushed away,
due to lack of attention or contribution.
Communicate those feelings to your spouse. They may
even be feeling the same way and most relationships
that I have seen turn into a disloyal one because of lack
of communication. One of the partners will find support
to their emotions in another person who will listen. This
can lead to a bad mistake which will have to be worked
out later. If we can avoid this all together then
temptation to stray will be less likely.
Examples: You are doing all the housework and
your spouse is not contributing. Your spouse does
not seem interested in you and you feel pushed
away when you try to get attention. You feel
something is missing in the way your spouse is
treating you. You feel like something is missing in
the area of the relationship that you feel is
important.
Success of relationship ©series 1
